The Two Words that are Saving my Motherhood

I'll be honest, this whole being a mom to littles and having one with special needs thing is exhausting.

Especially since I'm one of those weird extroverted introverts.

I love and am so grateful for my friends, but I NEED peace and quiet to recharge so that I can keep loving my friends. ;)

I get frustrated with myself that my family gets the worst of me. But, for an introvert, it is so hard to have people around CONSTANTLY. And, when you're a mom of littles, there are no breaks... especially when one of them has health issues that require more hands-on than most other kids require.

So, I've had to develop some coping mechanisms.

One of those is simply showing myself more grace. Being ok with being the World's Okayest Mom.

But, another one of the BEST things I've done as a mom was actually pointed out to me by my husband a few nights ago. I honestly didn't even recognize that I had started to do this.

He thanked me at dinner for starting to do this simple thing with our kids because he knows it has saved a lot of frustration, impatience and yelling from happening in our home. (By the way, I'M the yeller,... not him)

My secret?

When the kids are whining or being rude or not speaking how we've taught them (i.e., please, thank you, etc), I simply ask them to "try again."

I'll say that over and over until they ask me the right way.

We've done this enough now that they get it and are usually giggling when they rephrase their question or ask it with a better attitude.

Also, I'm stubborn. (my pooooooor kids)
So, I don't budge until they've tried enough times to get it right.

There's no nagging, no impatience, no frustration.

Just, "try again."

And, then we all get what we want.

I get polite kids who are learning how to respect adults and get to experience grace.
They get a calm, kind, gentle momma who is learning to show grace to others (and herself!).

Win-Win

Try it out in your home. I bet it'll work for you, too.

-kt

Weed Your Life

I've started gardening.

As a self-proclaimed "black thumb," I really have no business attempting a garden.

Yet, here I am, hoping against hope that I get SOMETHING out of the ground during harvest time.

We just moved to this home this past February.

I've heard it said that you should never plant in a new yard the first year you're there so that you can see what is already planted.

Do you want to know what's here?

Let me tell you what is here...

WEEDS!

Lots of them.

Everywhere.

But, I didn't know what was what so I took to Facebook for all the answers.
(I mean, who doesn't do that nowadays?!)
((Thanks to everyone who responded, by the way))

I quickly learned what to pull and what to keep.

One of my favorite responses was from our sweet friends and former mentors from Green Bay.

Lydia said this:

Mark always says anything you don't like or want where it is is simply a weed...pretty or not

I think that was really good advice. It made weeding a lot easier because I stopped being so concerned about what each thing was and started thinking about my garden and my yard as a whole. I started focusing on the end goal, my hope for my yard, what I wanted it to be like. This made every decision about every individual plant so much easier.

And then, one afternoon, with my hands in the dirt, I got to thinking...

Weeds tend to take up the nutrients and water that should be going to the plants that you intended to grow. If left unattended, they will take over and push out the good things in your garden.

So, we need to ask - What are the "weeds" in our lives?

These can be unhealthy habits, time-suckers, or even good things that are simply misplaced. Maybe you have too many things going on. Maybe you are pursuing something good, but it's just not the right time. Maybe you are letting yourself get distracted or lazy about something you need to be proactive about. It might be time to weed some of those out.

We have to get rid of the weeds so that the things we cherish have room to flourish.

I've been struggling with my identity for a while. Becoming a mom is hard. You go from carefully curating a collection of activities and experiences in your life to being completely at the mercy of each whim, desire, and need of a tiny human. I've spent too long thinking of all the things I can no longer do, the "me" I can no longer be. And while part of this is due to our relocation, much of it simply has to do with having three little kids that I am responsible for all day and night, every day and night.

As I was weeding in my garden, I began to think about my life. There are a lot of things I'd rather not do. Things that I wish were weeds that I could simply pull and throw in the fire. Sometimes there are days where I get overwhelmed with diapers and dishes and laundry and diffusing pointless fights and cleaning up unnecessary messes and wondering if my life currently means anything at all.

But, since those things are non-negotiable with tiny children, I need to be ok with picking a few things that I do want to be true of me and focusing on those. (There will come a time later on when they are older and I will be able to start doing some of the things I don't currently have time for.)

I need to rip out the real weeds, rip out the misplaced plants, and spend my time and energy on the few that I want to see succeed. I need to stop dreaming about what my garden will look like someday and start cultivating it to be the best it can be now.

And, just like weeding my garden with three small kids around, this will take time. It's going to take time to figure out what I want to make room for and what can be put aside until later. (I mean, it took me three days just to weed a tiny flowerbed in our yard. There's no way I'm figuring out my life while typing this blog post!)

It also requires maintenance. I walk through my garden every day to pull the little weeds that made their way above ground during the night. I know I will need to continually evaluate the things in my life to make sure they are taking the right amount of time and priority.

One weed for me has been technology. I love my time with my computer and my phone. I love social media, because out here in the middle of no where, it makes me feel somewhat connected. But, I also know that I can waste a LOT of time looking at screens instead of my kids. I have good intentions. Often I'm looking up ideas for things I can do with the kids or ways to make their playroom better or recipes to try for Evie. But, even so, I know I spend too much time with my computer and not enough with them.

So, that needs to get pulled (or at least pruned). And, in it's place, I've planted...

One fun thing - per kid - per day. 

I've been trying to do (at least) one fun thing, per kid, per day.
I'm not the kind of mom that is all tea parties and crafts and games and books from the moment they get up until bedtime.
I am an introvert by nature and with Evie's dietary needs, that would just be too exhausting.
So, this is my baby step.

Today was kicking a soccer ball around with Jake, painting with Evie, and practicing crawling with Izzie.

I know that to you moms who this comes naturally for, you're probably thinking how terrible I am for needing to be intentional about this, though I'm SURE I'm not alone.

Now, at the end of the day, no matter what else happens, I will be able to go to bed knowing that I spent quality time with each of my kids. It wasn't much. I know I can do better. But, it's something. They had my time, my attention, my eyes and ears, they had me for those moments. It has honestly made our home so much more peaceful during the day. When I do need a minute, they are more willing to give it to me.

Baby steps. Pruning. Pulling. Transplanting.

I'm going to be a work in progress, but hopefully my life and my days will start looking a little more like I want them to.

-kt

Sunday Fun Day! Are you in?

Well, I've been thinking about being intentional with my husband and kids for 2015.

It's July.

I feel like this year is FLYING by.

This is probably due, at least in part, to the fact that we moved again, we spent over half a month back in CO to get the Little Miss on her new diet, and then we were pretty consumed with the planning of and everything else involved in my little sister's wedding!

It's been good
    and hard
          and good. :)

But, now it's already July and I'm left feeling like, "what just happened?!"

Our house still isn't fully settled and there's tons to do outside and our kids are at the ages that require constant attention and the cows make it so our fences require constant attention (#ranchliving) and Evie's diet is intense and requires a lot of prep time and on and on and on....

SO! I've decided something.

Since Sundays are the only days my husband has off and since I really hate wasting what time we do have this him, I've decided that Sundays are going to be our Fun Days!

Traditionally, Sundays are supposed to be the Sabbath, a day of rest.
It's supposed to be a day to rest, to reflect. God the Father took a day to rest and we, as His creation, are to do the same. It is supposed to refresh and nourish our body and soul.

So, to refresh my soul, I've decided to give my husband, my kids and myself Sundays this summer.

I'm going to do my best to be prepared to enjoy them on Sundays.

We will be going to church on Sundays and I'm sure I will still use Sunday nights to prepare for the upcoming week, but as far as the better part of the day goes, I want to relax and enjoy my family.

Will you join me in being intentional about using your Sunday as a day of rest and play with your family? Can you put aside the to-do list for one day?

Join me by posting about your Sunday Fun Day using the hashtag #ourfamilysundayfunday
I can't wait to see what you do!

-kt

Why We Let Our Kids Go Trick-or-Treating... and other thoughts on Halloween

 Halloween is a very controversial topic among Christians.

*I am not suggesting that this should be the standard for your family. I believe that each Christian should ask the Lord what he/she should do and should base their actions on that.*

My husband and I have done that. We are comfortable with our decision.
I will not judge you for your decision... please offer me the same level of respect.

So, with that said, here's our thoughts on Halloween.

I personally am quite uncomfortable with most Halloween decorations. I place pumpkins around my home, but it pretty much stops there. I don't believe in ghosts or zombies and I don't want my home to be covered in those things. I want my home to always be inviting, warm, loving, and traditional Halloween decorations do not reflect those things.

While we obviously don't want to train our children to participate in evil, we do want to train our children to get in there and actively fight it.

And, while you can make a point by standing on the sidelines, you're not truly in the fight unless you're IN the fight. You can't win a battle if you don't participate.

Jesus didn't sit on the sidelines. He called out the demons. He ate dinner with hookers and corrupt tax collectors. He looked evil in the face and, when it seemed all hope was lost, he rose again and conquered it forever. 

He got his hands dirty.

I was the kind of kid who, if kept away from something "bad," began to fear it. I still fear the unknown. I wish that instead I had someone walk me though scary or controversial situations to show me how to handle it and how to stay above reproach in the midst of it.

Fear and lack of understanding is NOT how I want my kids to face unknown or new situations.

We will accomplish so much more by taking our small children around and showing those who hoped to scare them that our kids are already wise enough to know there is nothing to fear by their decorations and costumes because they have Jesus on their side.

I want my kids to be able to walk into every situation armed with the power of Christ and the ability to bring light into it. And, I want them to show others that we can always have fun and experience joy with them.

I will not send them into situations unarmed or alone. But, my husband and I can walk with them through this and teach them how to be "in the world but not of it."

It's possible.

And, I don't think I'll do it perfect every time, but thankfully God shows me grace and I trust that He can protect my kids even when I fail.

I know that as they grow, situations are going to be a lot harder to discern than 'should I let my kids put on a cute costume and get free candy?' But I believe the principle will remain the same.

Instead of staying in our own little bubble to make a point, we can go out on a night where most of our neighbors are outside, walking around, open to talking and getting to know others. We can introduce ourselves and let them see that we're humans, too. We can be friendly and kind and compliment their children's costumes. We can laugh with them and share some sweets. We can make memories with them. We can set a good example by having fun and creative costumes without the scary/gory aspect. We can "do life" with our neighbors.

We can get our hands dirty. 

What if Jesus had said, "Oh geez, that guy is demon possessed! That's too much darkness and I won't take part in that, because that's just too much! Obviously Satan has won this round..."? I don't ever want my kids to think there is so much bad that the good they can bring isn't worth getting into it.

I don't believe that by trick-or-treating I'm being passive and exposing my children to evils that they don't yet understand. I KNOW I'm being intentional and using this to teach them spiritual principles... and letting them have a little fun and a little sugar-rush along the way is a plus.

If we don't stand up and fight evil, bring light into it, show it that it cannot win, who will?

I believe that by ignoring it or fearing it, we give it more power. We need to get involved. We need to participate. We need to go in armed with God's power and spread His light. We won't be able to share our opinions about the origin of this day if we aren't around anyone who will hear it. And, we'll never be able to speak to someone on a heart level when they are feeling judged. Do life with people. Love them where they are. Stay above reproach in the midst of controversial situations. Be the light that Jesus wants us to be. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Hide it under a bushel? NO! Let it shine.

-kt

Three

I've only been the mom to three kiddos for a month now, so I don't claim to be an expert here, but... here are some of the things I've learned this past month.


1. Us parents may be outnumbered now and we may have had to switch from man-to-man to a zone defense BUT we still have four hands between the two of us and there are only three of them so we still have the advantage... right?

2. 2-year-olds enjoy having a baby in the house for approximately 15 minutes each day. The whole rest of the day is spent in agony over the fact that they no longer can command mommy's full attention at any given moment.

3. Number 3 has the ability to know the second you are about to put food in your mouth and will demand to also be fed at that precise moment. Count on it.

4. With all the baby gear finding it's way out of storage, my otherwise uncluttered house is beginning to feel quite claustrophobic. I feel another round of purging, garbage and donations coming on... if only I could find the time...

5. Being SUPER INTENTIONAL about spending time with your spouse becomes even more important. Merely being roommates is unacceptable. We must be a team. And there has to be life-giving friendship and romance between the two of you or these days can get long and lonely.

6. Making sure the older kids feel connected to the baby at least once a day is invaluable. Letting them "hold" her or help with a diaper change (read: throw away the dirty one) makes them feel like they are important and they seem to love her even more in those moments. And, it helps them be more patient when she is taking me away from them temporarily.

7. Having some alone time in the morning before the older two wake is even more important for me now. I gotta get my game face on before the littles attack my morning. Otherwise, I feel like this...

8. Let people love you. Having help is not a sign that you can't do things on your own. It's simply an expression of the care that others have for you and, frankly, a blessing. Accept it.

I'm sure I have many more lessons coming my way, but this is all I have time for right now.
-kt

So,... this is happening...

Homeschooling.

One of the things my husband and I disagreed on in the early negotiations of our marriage.

He was all for it.

My thought was, "Why would I homeschool? I survived public school. Our kids can, too!"
(Seriously, though, the thought totally intimidated me!)

But, this boy.

Oh, this boy.

He's so smart. And, he LOVES to learn.

We feel like he's ready to be challenged more than can be provided right now in a classroom setting.

Not to mention how far we live from school right now.

And, the fact that his newest little sister is going to show up in about 2 1/2 weeks. 

Yes, my motives are (kinda) selfish.

No, I don't want to have to drive into town 3 days a week with a 2 year old and a newborn this winter to pick the Little Mister up.
No, I don't want the morning battles we had last year when he needed to get up for preschool but was sleeping soundly.

BUT...

Mostly, I want to see him be challenged and learn at grow at a pace that is best for him,... not dependent on what is best for all the kids in his class.
I want to spend that time influencing him.
I want to have a Bible lesson included in his studies.
I want the chance for his dad to be involved, too.
I want his little sister to get the benefit of watching him learn.
I want to be the one who gets to see how excited he is to learn new things.
I want the chance to plan field trips and other activities with the other homeschool families here.

This really has nothing to do with the school.
We honestly love the teachers he'd have this year and he really loved going to school last year.

It would be good to send him back to school,...
   ... but we feel that this is best.

So, today we started this journey and honestly, it was awesome.
We finished a lot sooner than I thought we would and he was asking for more.
I had a doctor's appt to get to so we couldn't do more today but I love the flexibility that this will give us. Most days we will be able to do what he wants/needs. He was so excited.

I think the biggest challenges are going to be mine: patience, preparation, etc.
But, I'm excited to see how we both grow through it.

I've also felt a little bit like he has been overshadowed by the Little Miss's health issues. This is going to be quality and focused one-on-one time just for him. I'm excited to see how we bond through it.

Wish us luck!
I plan to post updates and things I learn along the way.

-kt

Fun on the 4th

I love the 4th of July.

The weather is usually great, it's a good excuse to see friends and family, the food is fantastic.
As a kid, it usually included going to my aunt and uncle's lake house, Mt. Pleasant fireworks with my dad's popcorn, the big fireworks on Lake Michigan (ALWAYS with good friends), popsicles, potato salad, bbq chicken by dad on the grill, bonfires, pool time and loads of sunshine.

And, the occasional matching t-shirts from Old Navy.

Seriously, who didn't have to wear one of these as a kid? And, a better question, will they EVER stop making them?

This was our third 4th of July in CO. And, while I have very high standards set by good ole Racine, I have to say, Lake City does the 4th well. If they didn't, I'd be tempted to travel back to WI just for the holiday.

It was a little bittersweet for us that this was the first year John wasn't riding a horse in the parade. It is so fun to watch him and other camp people riding by on our sweet horses, but this year he actually got to sit with us! So, that's fun.

We live in a town of between 300-400ish but for the 4th, our population EXPLODES. There are people everywhere. My parents were here for the 4th last year and laughed when I told them this morning that we actually had a traffic jam in town after the fireworks last night. We sat still for no more than 5 minutes. BUT, to us, that's a HUGE traffic jam.

Anyway, on to pictures!

The day starts here with an all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast at the school (which we didn't go to) followed by a parade (which we did go to).

Somebody was mesmerized by the firetrucks...

I think he gets that from his Papa Scott.

Then, this fella came wandering through.

Because what parade is complete without Uncle Sam on stilts? No parade I want to be at, that's for sure.

I got to see this lovely lady. (Check out her blog for tasty recipes)

This is most people's opinion... especially during this holiday...

This little lady was a trooper in the hot sun. She especially enjoyed when they started throwing candy. (note the clenched fist)

The parade is followed by booths full of goodies, crafts, and fair food around the park and near our shops "downtown" where you can find ice cream, coffee drinks, t-shirts, souvenirs, candy,... all sorts of goodies, all with an old-fashioned, small town feel.

The park is packed with tourists and locals and everyone anxiously anticipates the start of the foot races.

No kidding.

The afternoon is spent with all different age divisions participating in foot races at the town park.
Hilarious.

And, cut throat. Some of these races get intense!

We made the executive (read: mommy and daddy) decision to take our kiddos home to rest. But, not before getting our annual turkey leg to share. (Yum!)

The kids were exhausted. And, in true Lake City fashion, it down-poured during the afternoon anyway. Here, that is welcome. It cools off the heat of the day and always brings that sweet mountain smell. I think that must be what Heaven smells like.

Anyway, the next stop for us was dinner, games and fireworks with some sweet friends that evening.

We played this game (that I can't remember the name of) and other than the times when my third-trimester-sized belly got in the way, it was really fun!

This little man is not picky, as long as it has wheels and he can get some good speed, he'll ride it.

And, then there is this girl.

We do NOT take enough photos together.

But, I try to get plenty of them!

Ok, so we were up the hill where Lake City starts. There is a valley you can't see in this picture that town is nestled in.

WAY across the valley (I had my 'big girl' zoom lens on my camera) and up another hill is a water tower. That is where they shoot the fireworks off from. This picture is of them watering down the brush near the water tower. Can't be too careful!

Here's a picture pulled back a little further. The circle is around that water tower.

And, this was my first attempt at firework photos with my 'big girl' camera. What do you think?

After the fireworks, when all the kids were nice and sleepy, someone wrapped up the little miss and she turned to me and said, "Look! Mom! Cozy," with the sweetest smile on her face. 

I'm so thankful for the men and women who have gone before us and for those who are currently devoting their lives to making sure that my family and I can have days like this.
Hope your 4th of July was as great as mine.
-kt

The Children's Hospital and a Road Trip!

We headed in for our Extended EEG at the end of April.

The goal was to find out what is exactly happening in her brain so that we know what to do next as far as testing and treatment goes.

I cannot say enough good things about the staff. You have to be a saint to work on an inpatient unit at a children's hospital and the staff at the hospital in Denver are no exceptions.

Fortunately, the Little Miss was able to keep herself busy most of the time and our frustrations were kept to a minimum.

Unfortunately, the neurologist told us, "She's kind of a mystery." So, we're on to the next set of testing.

But, this neurologist has a plan... and compassion... and the goal of making her well (as opposed to simply medicating her, like her previous neurologist did).

And, for that, we are grateful.

The Little Miss was also grateful that her Nonni could come play with her when mommy needed to talk to the staff.

(oh, and the campus was beautiful)

Only one day into the test, and she was worn out. The neurologist decided very early into our stay that continuing the EEG would not provide any additional insights into her case, so he let us go after a blood draw that they'll use for genetic testing.

I was pretty tired, too,... and also grateful that my mom was around.

The good news is that this neurologist has a plan. He really seems to care.
The tough news is that this is not going to be a short journey. Unless God chooses to heal her (which we're still praying for), it looks like this may be a long-term battle for her.

Having a sick kid is not easy. I would give ANYTHING to be able to fix her.
But, her little spirit cannot be crushed. She is able to laugh and find joy regardless of her circumstances. She had electrodes cemented to her head and chest and cords coming off of those electrodes which were all drawn into a box which she had to carry around in a backpack that was connected to a computer and what did she do??? She put the box in her backpack, put the backpack on, put on her super hero cape, and "flew" as far out into the hallway as the cords would let her, bringing a huge smile to everyone who passed.

Trying to shampoo out the cement when we were released

That's my girl.

When we got to leave the hospital.

She is only 2 and yet her spirit and personality speak volumes.

I was sharing how overwhelmed I feel by the fact that we may have a lifelong journey ahead of us and how it's going to affect each of us differently. My husband's daughter has seizures. The Little Mister will grow up with a sister that has seizures. Ev may never be allowed to drive. Our new daughter (coming in August) will never know life apart from a sister with seizures. It will effect what we do, how we play, maybe even how we eat. But my mother-in-law gently reminded me that this is her normal. It won't be weird to her or her brother or sister that she has seizures because it is their normal.

I hope that Ev's healing from God becomes part of their story, too, but if it doesn't, I hope that John and I can together show our kids that even though tough things happen, our family's "normal" is to trust that God has allowed it for a reason and to trust Him always.

I hope they don't see me mourn what won't be true in Evie's life, but instead rejoice over what is true... she is an otherwise normal, vibrant, affectionate, sweet, rambunctious, active, beautiful girl who brings joy to people.

This journey is hard. Sometimes I get weary in the unknown. Weary from the medicines, the appointments, the tests. But, we do have much to be thankful for.

Including people in our lives that allow us to be sad for her sometimes and grateful others.

There is no perfect way to handle having a sick kid. I could let myself get really bitter (and don't let me fool you... sometimes I really struggle!). I could just be floating on the "it could be worse" cloud. But, the truth is that some days are better than others. Some days I need grace for being bitter and some days I need to simply be in awe of the fact that she is a miracle.

I don't claim to have this figured out. 

I'm sure I never will.

But I am grateful for each day with her.

Even the tough ones.

I hope that when people look at us on our good days, they see "the peace that passes all understanding" that comes from God alone. (Phil 4:7)

And, I hope that on our bad days, they are able to see that we are human and need grace.