The Little Miss turns 1!!! (her story)

Well, I can't believe it.

My baby isn't a baby anymore.

How does time go this fast???

Just last year, this is what we were looking at this:

© Kelley Ann Photography

And, this is what she is now:

© Kelley Ann Photography

And, SHE'S WALKING!!!

I can't stand it.

Many of you don't know our story with her. Why we call her our miracle baby.

Well, I don't know about you but it seems to me that when a medical professional refers to your baby as a "miracle," that makes it a legitimate thing to say.

So, here's her story.

It really starts with her brother. When I was training for a half marathon, we found out we were pregnant with him. So, I stopped training. Hubby ran the marathon (the full!) and I watched, partly jealous, partly ecstatic that we were pregnant! Having the Little Mister in December allowed me a year to recover before starting training again. This time I started training for the full. Go big or go home, right?

So, in May I ran the full Cellcom Marathon. 

I had a blast.

Seriously.

It was one of my BEST days. 

We thought it was time for baby #2 once I accomplished that goal.

Life was a little stressful at that time. I had a toddler, did in-home daycare, was doing photography on the side, and then my sweet Grandma died. 

This Grandma is the one that I lived with for most of my life. It was hard enough to be away from her, but to not have seen her all that much before she died was heart-breaking. I still think of her all the time and wish she knew my kids. Oh, how she would love them! Whenever I smell coffee, I think of their apartment. Gosh, I miss them… 

Anyway, the family got to preparing the funeral and I started bleeding and cramping. Bad. 

Stuff with the family was stressful (to say the least) because of all the decisions and planning that needed to take place.

I continued to have problems (I had not gotten a positive test at this point), but it stopped suddenly.

We took time off of work for the week of the 4th of July to come home for the funeral.

Then, the positive test!

But, the day I was supposed to get my period, I started bleeding again…

Just to add to all of this, I then received a notice to report for jury duty the week of the 4th!

At this point, I'm an emotional wreck.

Grandma died.

I have jury duty and possibly can't go to the funeral.

I'm bleeding when I'm supposed to be pregnant.

I'm sure I'm miscarrying.

The hubby was convinced I was depressed. Frankly, I might have been. 

Off to the doctor I went. About 3 hours worth of invasive tests later, my doctor (always super positive and sweet) says to me with tears in his eyes that he's "99% sure" I'm miscarrying. 

So, I wait… and wait… and wait… for the inevitable while visiting the doc every other day for them to take my blood to monitor my hormone levels.

My levels were rising… just not high enough fast enough. 

At this point, the doctor brings up the possibility that it's a tubal pregnancy.

He informs the hubby and me that we have three choices:

     1. Take a pill to "dissolve" the pregnancy

     2. Let him "clean the tube out" (could cause the tube to no longer work properly)

     3. Wait for the tube to burst (either killing me or causing me to lose the tube)

Also, I'm not allowed to travel (um,… funeral?)

Options 1 and 2 were out of the question. We couldn't justify either of those because of our beliefs. 

So, it was again a waiting game. 

Let me just say at this point that my prayer life had NEVER been better. 

I was heart-broken, scared, weak, exhausted, but sure. I was sure God would use this situation to His glory. And, I had a peace about that.

So, my girlfriends got on a schedule. While the hubby was at work, they called to check on me often to make sure that I was still ok. 

At this point, we actually told our families that I had miscarried, because I thought I had! I even had a dream where I saw her little face (she was a girl in the dream) and I watched her die. This was so hard. There was so much waiting.

I sent this to my cousin:

"and through this whole thing, everyone keeps quoting verses to me and telling me its ok. really? it's not ok. it's not. and it's ok for me to be not ok and to be sad for a while. and my faith is fine. i trust God in this. if He takes this baby from me, that's ok. i do want His will more and i trust Him. i'm just also very impatient to know what He's going to do. that's where my faith has its limit: patience. but i still trust Him. i trust His end result."

Then, I went back to the doctor and my levels rose to a point where the doctor labeled me as "pregnant with a high risk of miscarriage."


Our doctor graciously allowed me to take a few weeks off of the blood tests. He told me to try to relax and just let my body do what it was going to do. 

Still, there was hope. 

And, a reason to not go to jury duty. And, thankfully, with the doctor's excuse, they gave me a pardon.

During this time, I saw my sister graduate, we went to the funeral, we took a day trip to Door County and one to Milwaukee, spent time with family, prayed, played, cried, feared, trusted, hoped… all the while still bleeding.

And then, just when we thought it might be over, I headed back to the doctor to make sure my levels had dropped completely.

But, they hadn't.

They had spiked!

Not only that, but there she was on the ultrasound, all beautiful and with a strong heartbeat. 

The doctor called her our "miracle baby" from that day forward. Who am I to disagree?

The rest of her pregnancy (and even her delivery - emergency c-section) was a bit of a roller coaster. There was more spotting, more worrying, more tests and monitoring. But she came out perfectly healthy and awesome. 

(By the way, not to toot my own horn or anything, but I was hoping to go all natural with her. I labored for 3 DAYS before they told me she was breech and I had to have the c-section.)

This is why her verse is 1 Samuel 1:27, which says, "For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition that I made to him." ESV

* * * * *

The other night, we got to celebrate her first birthday. It was very low key. Just us, some dinner, and a tiny cupcake. I feel bad that there were no big decorations, no gifts, no one with us to celebrate. But, she is loved. She is healthy, she loved that cupcake and she walked for the first time that night. Nana was on FaceTime when she did it, too, so that was really special. We got her on video shortly after that. (She is walking all over the place now!)

I hope our story can encourage you. God is sovereign and can turn even the most heart-breaking situations into blessings.

-kt