recovery

Since the marathon, I've been taking it easy... trying to recover. I've run once since the marathon (I do really miss running) and my knee acted up so I guess all the time I spent training is now going to be spent heading to the chiropractor. But, I've been keeping myself busy. I had a project to do for a friend who was headed to a baby shower, I made myself a new purse, and I've been garage sale-ing - which is very difficult with an 18 month old who wants to play at every sale that has toys.

Here are my goodies:

my new bag... will be making one to sell soon! any orders?  :)

the diaper caddy, pacifier clip, and ribbon lovey mini blankie i made for a friend

garage sale steals! one morning, $6. that's right! only $6 for ALL OF THIS! go me  :)

In other news, I've been reading Imaginary Jesus by my former support coach, Matt Mikalatos. I highly recommend this book! It's witty and interesting and a fast read. It's really got me thinking (which is awesome and frustrating at the same time - I mean, who really wants someone to challenge what they think they know?!). I'm realizing that I have an imaginary Jesus, though I haven't been able to fully nail down what I expect of him. I just know that the jesus in my head and the Jesus that is, are two very different people. and I desperately want to know the real one. I believe the Christian subculture has done us a world of harm and I desire to live a life free of it. Now, that's not to say that I'm going to stop going to church or stop singing on the worship team, etc. However, I don't want to do things because its the "Christian" thing to do. I wanna do things because that's what Jesus wants me to do. I want to know Him so well that I know what He wants me to do. Sometimes I wonder if God looks down at us when we're doing the "Christian" thing and wonders how we actually justify it or where we came up with that idea in the first place. So often I've felt called to do something out-of-the-box, but hesitate because it might be seen as weird.

I don't know how to explain it fully. I just know that after reading A Kingdom of Couches by Will Walker and following up with Imaginary Jesus, I can't really justify the things I do anymore. I don't want prayer with other people to be weird or my own prayers to be manipulative. I don't want discipleship to be so rare in my life. and I don't want a fake version of Jesus. I want to know Him, socially radical, reckless, know-what-to-say-at-the-right-time Jesus.

Mikalatos mentioned something very interesting about discipleship.

Side note: I've been wrestling with the idea of discipleship for a while now. The most authentic discipleship I've been apart of was in college, simply because you lived, ate, studied, played, etc with the people you were around. You knew the good, the bad, and the ugly about people. You literally did life together. We shared clothes, food, gasoline, time, computer paper, toothpaste,... you name it, we shared it. We were able to hold each other accountable because we lived together! My girlfriends from college knew me best, even when I didn't want to be known.

But, how does discipleship translate into real life when your married and have kids? You don't get to spend most waking moments with your discipler. I feel like 'discipleship' in today's church means an older person and a younger person getting together in a coffee shop to discuss a chapter of a book and ask each other how they're doing. Jesus didn't do that. It WAS intentional, but it was natural. And, it was all the time. The Bible makes the point that He had to sneak away up mountains to be alone! The guys were ALWAYS there.

Anyway, here's an excerpt from the book.
We come on the scene of Matt and a talking donkey named Daisy. Matt really needs to use the bathroom but they are in 1st century Jerusalem.

Daisy paused. "Do you understand what it means to be someone's disciple?"

I thought about it and absently kicked at a chicken pecking at my feet. It was like a plague of chickens. "I thought it meant 'student.'"


"Yes, but not how you think of it. You're thinking of Y'shua like an algebra teacher. But to be a disciple means more than learning. It means to become like your teacher. It means transformation from what I am into what my teacher is. Y'shua said once, 'Everyone who is fully trained will be like his teacher.'"


"So you're saying that if I was, for instance, your disciple-"


"You wouldn't need to find a bathroom," the donkey said, "because we're walking on a perfectly fine road. You would eat when I eat, you would rest when I rest, and under the same olive tree. You wouldn't take the shortcut while I went the long way. We would be inseparable. You would live like my shadow, mimicking my actions until you could do what I do without thinking, until you had the same instincts, thoughts, and words."

That's how I want to know Jesus. Not about Jesus. I want to KNOW Jesus.

I've been in the church my whole life. Even went to a Christian school for a while. I have sections of the Bible memorized. But, I cannot say with full confidence that I know Jesus like that. I don't think I know anyone like that anymore. I mean, really - I live with a man who remains a mystery to me at some points! (I do know my husband pretty well, I'm just saying. Who hasn't had a convo with their spouse where they're left thinking, "My goodness, who is that person?!")

During our time with Campus Crusade for Christ, J and I spent a lot of time discipling younger people. I feel like we're in a phase of life though where we're the ones that need discipling. And, not just in how to follow Christ, but in how to be a spouse, a parent, a cook, an organizer, etc. How to care for a lawn and a garden. Thankfully, I'm in a Titus 2 group where I'm finding a lot of answers to my basic questions and I have great women I can call when I need to, but how do you ask someone with a family of their own to spend MORE time with you? How does discipleship play out properly in today's American society where we are so individualistic and independent? I have my Core 4, too, but they are girls in the same phase of life as me, so we're learning together. But, I still wouldn't say we actually do life together. We kinda do life near each other. We have different jobs, live in different areas, etc. I don't know. I should stop ranting because what I'm looking for I won't find. I'm just saying that I'm looking. And hoping. Some day I hope J and I live a lifestyle where we've found an older couple that can teach us in their field of work and their lives.

So, I guess I want to know Jesus that well... and someone else. BUT HOW???