The Big One

Friday.

A game changer.

The day of the big one.

Our daughter has battled with uncontrolled epilepsy for nearly 3 years.
She will be 4 years old in about 2 weeks.

She had a rough pregnancy, her first seizures on her first birthday, lots of testing and trips to Children's hospital, many different meds and treatments. She is my little hero.

The seizures are normally absence seizures. She looks like she zones out, spots on her face twitch, and just as quick, she comes right back and goes about playing.

But, this one...

This one was on the floor, convulsing, little lips turning blue, mommy calling 9-1-1.

This was scary.

*We're all ok now*

I've started Bible journaling.

I've had some trouble over the past couple of years getting into the Word.
It's hard with all these littles running about to find the time or energy to really study.

This has been a GREAT way for me to meditate on scripture in the midst of mommy hood.

I'm not super confident in my artistic ability.

But, this one, including her sweet little handprints, is one of my favorites so far.

When we were going through our crazy pregnancy with her, we were told we were miscarrying her. I trusted God to do what He saw as best, but I (of course) wanted this child to be healthy and whole and a part of our family.

"For this child I prayed, and the LORD has granted me my petition that I made to him."
      1 Samuel 1:27

In the next verse, Hannah is expressing that, because God saw fit to give Samuel to her, she would give him back to the Lord.

While we were pregnant, my father-in-law told us that our sweet Little Miss would be used mightily for the kingdom of God.

On our bad days, I struggle to see how that can come true, but I'm hopeful. I hope that people can see the way the Lord is giving us hope, the way He is sustaining us, the way He is protecting her and providing for us. I hope people can see that even on my darkest, saddest days, I still trust Him. I've honestly really been struggling, but I know He is good. I know He loves us. I know He cares for her.
I know.

Give us strength to be used by you, Lord.

"For this child I prayed, and the LORD has granted me my petition that I made to him.
  Therefore I have lent him to the LORD.
  As long as he lives, he is lent to the LORD."
       1 Samuel 1:27 & 28

I'm so grateful.
-kt

The Big Move to Big Sky Country

Some of you know that we ended up having to be out of our old place a week earlier than we had hoped, so we ended up getting some intense quality time with a sweet family in town! They took us (and ALL of our stuff) in during the transition time. 

Many thanks to Kelly and Katie Elkins for all the love and generosity you showed us. 

I can't explain how cared for we felt that week. There were lots of good conversations, good coffee, laughter, AND they really cared for me as we lost our sweet dog, Cooper Duke, while my hubby was out of town.

Thank you, sweet friends.

So many amazing friends showed up to help us load the UHaul in Lake City. We are so grateful. I got the opportunity to say sweet, intentional goodbyes to several of the women who made our time in Lake City so wonderful. I will miss each of them, as well as the ones I didn't get the chance to say goodbye to. Our time in Lake City was full of trials and tribulations and sweetest and friendships and good times and challenges and everything wonderful. 

The girls and I took off before the moving van was fully loaded because we had to pick up my dad from DIA. John and Jake were following behind in the moving truck with our horse trailer. 

Once we picked up my dad, we headed to the home of a former camper of ours whose parents graciously put us all up for the night. We felt so welcomed and blessed by them. They made us a wonderful dinner, provided such comfy accommodations, made and ate an amazing breakfast with us the next morning, AND gave us two horses. For real. I mean, geez. It was almost hard to leave. My dad, the girls, and I actually left later than we wanted to just because it was hard to leave. :) Special thanks to the Calhouns. We love you guys. 

That day was the longest day for us. We left the Denver/Colorado Springs area that morning, passed through Wyoming (where we stopped in the sweestest little town of Wheatland for lunch at Yacco's) and made it to eastern Montana later that evening. The girls and our puppy did great on the road. My dad and I were also able to have some really great conversations. I guess spending a day in a car together provides that opportunity. I'm grateful. It's not the kind of thing that happens when there are other distractors like tv, other family members, etc. This will be a sweet spot in my memory of times spent with my dad. We stopped in Miles City for gas and groceries before getting back on the road for the final stretch. 

We were relieved to find the beds made up and towels out for us in the bathrooms so we could just crash that night and deal with unloading in the morning. John and I have been mentally preparing for this move for a while so it all seemed normal to us, but it was fun to watch my dad discover what our lives were going to look like. 

One of the best moments was when one of John's new bosses showed up with his wife. They brought us a crockpot of soup... and three kittens. When my dad commented on how unusual that was, their response surprised him a bit: they are pest control. Ha! And, let me say, they are the cutest little pest control ever. ;)

Eventually we got everything into the house and it has been a slow process of getting it all settled. 

You know that saying, "You don't know what you've got til it's gone"? Well, I knew my dad was doing a lot but I didn't actually know how much until he left. I feel like I got so much done while he was here and haven't been able to do A THING since he left. Dad, COME BACK!

Thank you so much for all the help you gave us. The kids are still asking for you to come back. Just the other night when John asked Ev who she wanted to pray for, her only response was, "Papa Scott!"

So, anyway, be coming back here to see updates on the life of a cattle rancher's wife. I'm sure I'll be no Pioneer Woman anytime soon, but I will be posting pictures of cute cows. :)

-kt

Three

I've only been the mom to three kiddos for a month now, so I don't claim to be an expert here, but... here are some of the things I've learned this past month.


1. Us parents may be outnumbered now and we may have had to switch from man-to-man to a zone defense BUT we still have four hands between the two of us and there are only three of them so we still have the advantage... right?

2. 2-year-olds enjoy having a baby in the house for approximately 15 minutes each day. The whole rest of the day is spent in agony over the fact that they no longer can command mommy's full attention at any given moment.

3. Number 3 has the ability to know the second you are about to put food in your mouth and will demand to also be fed at that precise moment. Count on it.

4. With all the baby gear finding it's way out of storage, my otherwise uncluttered house is beginning to feel quite claustrophobic. I feel another round of purging, garbage and donations coming on... if only I could find the time...

5. Being SUPER INTENTIONAL about spending time with your spouse becomes even more important. Merely being roommates is unacceptable. We must be a team. And there has to be life-giving friendship and romance between the two of you or these days can get long and lonely.

6. Making sure the older kids feel connected to the baby at least once a day is invaluable. Letting them "hold" her or help with a diaper change (read: throw away the dirty one) makes them feel like they are important and they seem to love her even more in those moments. And, it helps them be more patient when she is taking me away from them temporarily.

7. Having some alone time in the morning before the older two wake is even more important for me now. I gotta get my game face on before the littles attack my morning. Otherwise, I feel like this...

8. Let people love you. Having help is not a sign that you can't do things on your own. It's simply an expression of the care that others have for you and, frankly, a blessing. Accept it.

I'm sure I have many more lessons coming my way, but this is all I have time for right now.
-kt

Hey Baby

Goodbye heartburn and goodbye Tums.

Goodbye carpel tunnel.

Goodbye insomnia.

Goodbye Restless Legs.

Goodbye sore hips.

Goodbye limited mobility.

Goodbye maternity clothes.

Goodbye waddle.

Goodbye side-sleeping.

Hello, baby.

Is there anything sweeter than a newborn?

Nope.
-kt

Fun on the 4th

I love the 4th of July.

The weather is usually great, it's a good excuse to see friends and family, the food is fantastic.
As a kid, it usually included going to my aunt and uncle's lake house, Mt. Pleasant fireworks with my dad's popcorn, the big fireworks on Lake Michigan (ALWAYS with good friends), popsicles, potato salad, bbq chicken by dad on the grill, bonfires, pool time and loads of sunshine.

And, the occasional matching t-shirts from Old Navy.

Seriously, who didn't have to wear one of these as a kid? And, a better question, will they EVER stop making them?

This was our third 4th of July in CO. And, while I have very high standards set by good ole Racine, I have to say, Lake City does the 4th well. If they didn't, I'd be tempted to travel back to WI just for the holiday.

It was a little bittersweet for us that this was the first year John wasn't riding a horse in the parade. It is so fun to watch him and other camp people riding by on our sweet horses, but this year he actually got to sit with us! So, that's fun.

We live in a town of between 300-400ish but for the 4th, our population EXPLODES. There are people everywhere. My parents were here for the 4th last year and laughed when I told them this morning that we actually had a traffic jam in town after the fireworks last night. We sat still for no more than 5 minutes. BUT, to us, that's a HUGE traffic jam.

Anyway, on to pictures!

The day starts here with an all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast at the school (which we didn't go to) followed by a parade (which we did go to).

Somebody was mesmerized by the firetrucks...

I think he gets that from his Papa Scott.

Then, this fella came wandering through.

Because what parade is complete without Uncle Sam on stilts? No parade I want to be at, that's for sure.

I got to see this lovely lady. (Check out her blog for tasty recipes)

This is most people's opinion... especially during this holiday...

This little lady was a trooper in the hot sun. She especially enjoyed when they started throwing candy. (note the clenched fist)

The parade is followed by booths full of goodies, crafts, and fair food around the park and near our shops "downtown" where you can find ice cream, coffee drinks, t-shirts, souvenirs, candy,... all sorts of goodies, all with an old-fashioned, small town feel.

The park is packed with tourists and locals and everyone anxiously anticipates the start of the foot races.

No kidding.

The afternoon is spent with all different age divisions participating in foot races at the town park.
Hilarious.

And, cut throat. Some of these races get intense!

We made the executive (read: mommy and daddy) decision to take our kiddos home to rest. But, not before getting our annual turkey leg to share. (Yum!)

The kids were exhausted. And, in true Lake City fashion, it down-poured during the afternoon anyway. Here, that is welcome. It cools off the heat of the day and always brings that sweet mountain smell. I think that must be what Heaven smells like.

Anyway, the next stop for us was dinner, games and fireworks with some sweet friends that evening.

We played this game (that I can't remember the name of) and other than the times when my third-trimester-sized belly got in the way, it was really fun!

This little man is not picky, as long as it has wheels and he can get some good speed, he'll ride it.

And, then there is this girl.

We do NOT take enough photos together.

But, I try to get plenty of them!

Ok, so we were up the hill where Lake City starts. There is a valley you can't see in this picture that town is nestled in.

WAY across the valley (I had my 'big girl' zoom lens on my camera) and up another hill is a water tower. That is where they shoot the fireworks off from. This picture is of them watering down the brush near the water tower. Can't be too careful!

Here's a picture pulled back a little further. The circle is around that water tower.

And, this was my first attempt at firework photos with my 'big girl' camera. What do you think?

After the fireworks, when all the kids were nice and sleepy, someone wrapped up the little miss and she turned to me and said, "Look! Mom! Cozy," with the sweetest smile on her face. 

I'm so thankful for the men and women who have gone before us and for those who are currently devoting their lives to making sure that my family and I can have days like this.
Hope your 4th of July was as great as mine.
-kt

Life as the Wife of a Cowboy...

Sometimes, this is how my day looks...

Actually, this is more of a glimpse into how my husband's day looks.

Our horses are being transitioned to our pastures now that the snow has all melted. So, they get to be "out to pasture" for a certain amount of time everyday.

(that handsome paint in the front? that's our Samson)

It's pretty clear they love it.

(I love it, too, because they are RIGHT in front of our house now)

But then this guy shows up and "pressures" them to get back to the barn.

(this one decided to enjoy the last few seconds of grass time)

Run, horseys, RUN!

One more turn and they're home for the night...

Poor things.

Until tomorrow.  ;)

-kt

The Children's Hospital and a Road Trip!

We headed in for our Extended EEG at the end of April.

The goal was to find out what is exactly happening in her brain so that we know what to do next as far as testing and treatment goes.

I cannot say enough good things about the staff. You have to be a saint to work on an inpatient unit at a children's hospital and the staff at the hospital in Denver are no exceptions.

Fortunately, the Little Miss was able to keep herself busy most of the time and our frustrations were kept to a minimum.

Unfortunately, the neurologist told us, "She's kind of a mystery." So, we're on to the next set of testing.

But, this neurologist has a plan... and compassion... and the goal of making her well (as opposed to simply medicating her, like her previous neurologist did).

And, for that, we are grateful.

The Little Miss was also grateful that her Nonni could come play with her when mommy needed to talk to the staff.

(oh, and the campus was beautiful)

Only one day into the test, and she was worn out. The neurologist decided very early into our stay that continuing the EEG would not provide any additional insights into her case, so he let us go after a blood draw that they'll use for genetic testing.

I was pretty tired, too,... and also grateful that my mom was around.

The good news is that this neurologist has a plan. He really seems to care.
The tough news is that this is not going to be a short journey. Unless God chooses to heal her (which we're still praying for), it looks like this may be a long-term battle for her.

Having a sick kid is not easy. I would give ANYTHING to be able to fix her.
But, her little spirit cannot be crushed. She is able to laugh and find joy regardless of her circumstances. She had electrodes cemented to her head and chest and cords coming off of those electrodes which were all drawn into a box which she had to carry around in a backpack that was connected to a computer and what did she do??? She put the box in her backpack, put the backpack on, put on her super hero cape, and "flew" as far out into the hallway as the cords would let her, bringing a huge smile to everyone who passed.

Trying to shampoo out the cement when we were released

That's my girl.

When we got to leave the hospital.

She is only 2 and yet her spirit and personality speak volumes.

I was sharing how overwhelmed I feel by the fact that we may have a lifelong journey ahead of us and how it's going to affect each of us differently. My husband's daughter has seizures. The Little Mister will grow up with a sister that has seizures. Ev may never be allowed to drive. Our new daughter (coming in August) will never know life apart from a sister with seizures. It will effect what we do, how we play, maybe even how we eat. But my mother-in-law gently reminded me that this is her normal. It won't be weird to her or her brother or sister that she has seizures because it is their normal.

I hope that Ev's healing from God becomes part of their story, too, but if it doesn't, I hope that John and I can together show our kids that even though tough things happen, our family's "normal" is to trust that God has allowed it for a reason and to trust Him always.

I hope they don't see me mourn what won't be true in Evie's life, but instead rejoice over what is true... she is an otherwise normal, vibrant, affectionate, sweet, rambunctious, active, beautiful girl who brings joy to people.

This journey is hard. Sometimes I get weary in the unknown. Weary from the medicines, the appointments, the tests. But, we do have much to be thankful for.

Including people in our lives that allow us to be sad for her sometimes and grateful others.

There is no perfect way to handle having a sick kid. I could let myself get really bitter (and don't let me fool you... sometimes I really struggle!). I could just be floating on the "it could be worse" cloud. But, the truth is that some days are better than others. Some days I need grace for being bitter and some days I need to simply be in awe of the fact that she is a miracle.

I don't claim to have this figured out. 

I'm sure I never will.

But I am grateful for each day with her.

Even the tough ones.

I hope that when people look at us on our good days, they see "the peace that passes all understanding" that comes from God alone. (Phil 4:7)

And, I hope that on our bad days, they are able to see that we are human and need grace.