Light

 

Tears stung my eyes while watching my youngest child singing the final verse of Silent Night, holding a candle near her sweet face. 

Have you ever truly thought about those last few lines?

Silent night, holy night
Son of God, oh, love’s pure light
Radiant beams from Thy holy face
With the dawn of redeeming grace
Jesus, Lord at Thy birth

I imagine a calm snowy night. You know the ones. Where you can almost hear the snow fall. 

And, the moon is providing just enough light to see your path. Where the air is still and the world has seemed to stop for a moment. I imagine Mary holding Jesus. Him nuzzling into her breast. His little fingers searching, getting caught on his own eyelids and in the blankets, and probably Mary’s hair. 

The soft warmth provided by the animals and the light from lanterns or candles creating a very cozy atmosphere. 

But, Jesus. Her Lord. Her baby. Her Savior. 

How would this all work out? 

There were so many unknowns. 

Have you even been in the complete darkness? The kind of dark where you can’t stop your eyes from opening wider and wider as you are straining to see ANYTHING? If there is even the tiniest bit of light, your eyes are immediately drawn to it. It’s comforting. You move toward it. The darkness cannot hide the light. Any bit of light destroys the darkness.

The night Jesus was born, a tiny baby destroyed the darkness.

In my darkest days, I considered giving up. I had truly begun to believe that the world, my family, my children, would be better off if I didn’t exist. I was in the darkest of dark places. But, I had just had a baby. That little girl in the picture above. She was my light. She was a good thing I couldn’t take my eyes off of. I was afraid that someday, she’d blame herself for not being worth living for. She may not have destroyed my darkness (that came later), but she was a glimmer of light that God provided to pull me through some of my darkest moments.

And grace.

Do you know what that word means?

Traditionally, Christians refer to grace as unmerited favor. 

An undeserved gift. Unearned preferential treatment.

My Evie.

You can find more of her story here, but the short version is that we were told we miscarried her. My body went through all the steps of a miscarriage. We went back for an ultrasound to make sure that my body had expelled everything and yet there she was. A beautiful, 13 week baby with a strong heartbeat. 

Grace. 

I didn’t deserve to keep her. Many mommas have lost their babies. But, she was God’s great act of grace in my life. My undeserved gift. My reminder that I am seen by Him. 

That’s why Grace is her middle name. 

It has been quite the journey with her. Her battle with epilepsy has not been a walk in the park, but God still shows us grace everyday with her life. 

No matter how dark things have been in my life, there has always been a glimmer of light. Sometimes it’s small. Sometimes it’s been blinding. No matter what, it cuts through the dark. 

There were days when I lived with my eyes closed, ignoring the light in front of me. Afraid it was too good to be true. Fearful that the good thing would be taken from me. Convinced I didn\"t deserve it. 

But His grace was too good. It reached into my darkness. That little light could not allow the darkness to overcome. 

His dawn of redeeming grace entered my life and was undeniable. 

Open your eyes, friends, and embrace the gracious Light and His redeeming grace. 

He’s there if you want Him. 

The Big One

Friday.

A game changer.

The day of the big one.

Our daughter has battled with uncontrolled epilepsy for nearly 3 years.
She will be 4 years old in about 2 weeks.

She had a rough pregnancy, her first seizures on her first birthday, lots of testing and trips to Children's hospital, many different meds and treatments. She is my little hero.

The seizures are normally absence seizures. She looks like she zones out, spots on her face twitch, and just as quick, she comes right back and goes about playing.

But, this one...

This one was on the floor, convulsing, little lips turning blue, mommy calling 9-1-1.

This was scary.

*We're all ok now*

I've started Bible journaling.

I've had some trouble over the past couple of years getting into the Word.
It's hard with all these littles running about to find the time or energy to really study.

This has been a GREAT way for me to meditate on scripture in the midst of mommy hood.

I'm not super confident in my artistic ability.

But, this one, including her sweet little handprints, is one of my favorites so far.

When we were going through our crazy pregnancy with her, we were told we were miscarrying her. I trusted God to do what He saw as best, but I (of course) wanted this child to be healthy and whole and a part of our family.

"For this child I prayed, and the LORD has granted me my petition that I made to him."
      1 Samuel 1:27

In the next verse, Hannah is expressing that, because God saw fit to give Samuel to her, she would give him back to the Lord.

While we were pregnant, my father-in-law told us that our sweet Little Miss would be used mightily for the kingdom of God.

On our bad days, I struggle to see how that can come true, but I'm hopeful. I hope that people can see the way the Lord is giving us hope, the way He is sustaining us, the way He is protecting her and providing for us. I hope people can see that even on my darkest, saddest days, I still trust Him. I've honestly really been struggling, but I know He is good. I know He loves us. I know He cares for her.
I know.

Give us strength to be used by you, Lord.

"For this child I prayed, and the LORD has granted me my petition that I made to him.
  Therefore I have lent him to the LORD.
  As long as he lives, he is lent to the LORD."
       1 Samuel 1:27 & 28

I'm so grateful.
-kt

Why I don't care about Starbucks' cups...

This post could probably also be titled, "Why I'll Never Have a Large Blog Following."

I really only post when I'm fired up about something.

And, in this way-too-easily-offended culture we are living in, I'm sure I tick people off.

But, this morning, I don't care.

My dad sent me an email this morning asking how I feel about the whole red cup controversy.

Frankly, for a person who lives three hours from the nearest Starbucks, I'm probably a little too fired up about it. But, it is what it is. 

I DON'T CARE. 

I don't care that their cups don't say "Merry Christmas."

I don't care that they aren't having Christian symbols anywhere this holiday season.

They aren't a Christian company! Why do we expect them to act like one?

I am a Christian. I was raised Christian. I decided on my own to remain a Christian into my adulthood. I lived overseas as a missionary. I considered myself a missionary to my college and in my work environments. So, you can read all this with that preface. 

I wish Christians would stop expecting non-Christians corporations to act in Christian ways.

So what if their cup doesn't say "Merry Christmas"? 

The jug of milk and loaf of bread that I just picked up at the grocery store don't say that either, but I still bought them. Personally, I don't get offended when the gas station clerk wishes me "Happy Holidays" instead of saying "Merry Christmas." And, seriously, if you can live by only shopping at Hobby Lobby and eating at Chick-fil-A, more power to you.

Perhaps we should stop boycotting places and demanding that others do things OUR way. 

Maybe instead, we SHOULD go into these places and spread some love and joy and peace instead of malice and frustration and anger that our own needs aren't being met exactly how we see fit. 

I honestly don't think Jesus would've cared AT ALL about what his coffee cup said, but I CAN GUARANTEE that he would've brightened up His barista's day. He would have left her feeling blessed and loved. 

(And, by the way, He totally forewarned us that stuff like this would happen. He told us we'd have troubles in this world. We live in a fallen world. Stuff like this should come as no surprise.)

Our response when we face troubles is to be gracious, full of patience, kindness, love. 

Now, to be clear, I do not consider this whole cup nonsense to be anything close to persecution, but I think we can still think about this verse in light of this situation:

"But even if you should suffer for righteousness' sake, you will be blessed. Have no fear of them, nor be troubled, but in your hearts regard Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect, having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame." 

                1 Peter 3:14-16

How are we supposed to behave? 

Like people with hope, with gentleness and respect. Not full of malice and demands. Tell me, who is going to be attracted to our lifestyle if this is why we make headlines?

Instead, let's get all riled up about doing good this Christmas. Let's get all fired up about spreading love and joy. Maybe as a church, instead of boycotting a coffeeshop, we should come together and join forces to make sure that no homeless person has nowhere to go this Christmas. Let's make sure that there is not one kid in the foster care system who feels like an outsider on Christmas morning. Let's go buy a whole bunch of those offensive red cups full of cocoa and go visit your local old folks home to spend time with the elderly whose families live far away this Christmas. 

Let's take something that offends us and turn it into something good. 

Spread love.

Do good.

Be light.

For heaven's sake.

-kt

Weigh Your Words

So, I'm out in my garden trying to prune back the leaves that were decimated by the surprise frost we had the other night and I can't get this out of my head.

I've been wanting to write something feel-good for a while now.
       *Spoiler alert* This isn't it.

My heart hurts.

I don't even know how to actually say this...

Maybe this will work:

Weigh your words. 

Can we all try to be a little more careful and selective with what comes out of our mouths and especially how we say things?

I'm 31. And, I'm married. And, I'm a mom... a mom to little littles.
And it's hard.

I wish I was a more confident person. But, I second-guess myself and my decisions.
Constantly.

Am I feeding the kids right? Do they need to go up a size in clothes/shoes? Should we buy *fill-in-the-blank* or *fill in the other blank* on our tight budget this month? Did I discipline appropriately for that scenario? Should she still be taking an afternoon nap? Is it better to start a family devotion and never finish or should we just not start at all so we don't teach our kids that its ok if you don't follow through? Is the food coloring in that cupcake going to give my kid ADHD? Do they need a sweatshirt today? Do we vaccinate? Not vaccinate? Stagger/delay vaccinations? Should we sacrifice our dreams to make sure our kids are growing up closer to family? How much juice is too much juice? Should I homeschool again or send him to the public school? Is it selfish to take some "me time"? Did I treat that rash with the right stuff? And, it goes on and on and on...!

And, the craziest part isn't how many things I can question every single day.
The craziest thing isn't even that no matter what I choose, somebody is going to disagree. I've come to terms with this truth.
Hands down, the craziest thing is that when someone inevitably disagrees with our choices, they are going to feel that their opinion matters so much and is SO RIGHT that they need to tell me about it with ridiculously bold language that leaves no doubt that if I still choose the opposite of what they say,  I am obviously the WORST mother in the entire universe and I'm ruining my kids for life.

Dramatic? Yup.

Does that really happen? Yup.

I know this is cliche, but, you guys, I'M OVER IT.

I cannot believe how often I have conversations with girlfriends of mine who are in this very challenging stage of life with littles at home who tell me that someone has reprimanded them for a decision they made.

No decision I have ever made regarding my children (or anything else for that matter) has been 100%, unanimously, completely agreed with and approved by every single person on this planet. I'm going to disappoint someone.

It's fine if you disagree with my choices, but please, watch your language. I mean, I have had STRANGERS tell me that I'm "handing my kids over to the devil" and that I'm "obviously not a Christian" and a "total hypocrite" based on something I put on Facebook once.

They don't know me. They don't know that the decision they were tearing apart was prayed over, counsel was sought from people we trust, scripture was researched, and it was not made lightly. But, sure, go ahead and destroy everything about me even though we've never met. 

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 4:6-7

Those harsh words - that is the devil's work. he is a master of slander. he wants me to second-guess everything. he wants me to believe I'm failing my husband, my kids, my God. he is the master of lies and manipulation and guilt and fear. he wants me to be so paralyzed that I never make decisions and step out in faith.

STOP HELPING him tear young mothers down.

We all second-guess ourselves enough. We don't need others to help us feel like failures! Stop confirming the lies we're being told that we are raising our kids wrong or failing at being moms!

Weigh your words. 

Is it really necessary to say it?

If you are that concerned, get in my life. Talk to me with kindness. Find out my motives FIRST before you judge. If you truly have a concern about something I'm doing with my kid, ask a question. Find out why I did it before you tell me how to fix something I don't think is broken.

"Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness that God requires." -James 1:19-20

I am willing to listen to people in my life. If someone who knows me has a concern, I am able to hear it. But, if you don't know the full story, how can you have such a strong opinion on it?

And, don't you know that God is bigger than that? He can and will redeem situations that I screw up. He will be victorious through my failings.

"And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ." -Philippians 1:6

Trust Him with me. Trust Him to make up for my lacking. Trust Him to fill in the gaps I leave in my kids. I do. I have to. I have to trust that if I am doing what I believe He wants me to and I still screw up, that He is going to answer my prayer that He'll redeem it and fix it anyway.

Then, if you still think I'm wrong, pray for me. Trust Him to correct me. He corrects me gently. He corrects with kindness and love. He corrects and teaches with my best interests at heart.

I'm just so heartbroken by how many of my friends feel just devastated by random people who claim to have "good intentions" but seem to have nothing but harsh words.

It's hard enough to be a young mom these days. Why be so critical and hurtful? Why be so judgmental? Why be so disapproving without offering some kindness, help, encouragement?

Choose kindness. 

I say that to my five year old at least once a day and now I'm saying to all of you grown-ups reading this.

Choose kindness.

In your words, your thoughts, your actions.

Weigh your words.
Choose kindness.

Err on the side of kindness.
Be too kind. Be too forgiving. Be too gracious.

-kt

"So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith." -Galatians 6:10

"Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." -Ephesians 4:29-32

Fun on the 4th

I love the 4th of July.

The weather is usually great, it's a good excuse to see friends and family, the food is fantastic.
As a kid, it usually included going to my aunt and uncle's lake house, Mt. Pleasant fireworks with my dad's popcorn, the big fireworks on Lake Michigan (ALWAYS with good friends), popsicles, potato salad, bbq chicken by dad on the grill, bonfires, pool time and loads of sunshine.

And, the occasional matching t-shirts from Old Navy.

Seriously, who didn't have to wear one of these as a kid? And, a better question, will they EVER stop making them?

This was our third 4th of July in CO. And, while I have very high standards set by good ole Racine, I have to say, Lake City does the 4th well. If they didn't, I'd be tempted to travel back to WI just for the holiday.

It was a little bittersweet for us that this was the first year John wasn't riding a horse in the parade. It is so fun to watch him and other camp people riding by on our sweet horses, but this year he actually got to sit with us! So, that's fun.

We live in a town of between 300-400ish but for the 4th, our population EXPLODES. There are people everywhere. My parents were here for the 4th last year and laughed when I told them this morning that we actually had a traffic jam in town after the fireworks last night. We sat still for no more than 5 minutes. BUT, to us, that's a HUGE traffic jam.

Anyway, on to pictures!

The day starts here with an all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast at the school (which we didn't go to) followed by a parade (which we did go to).

Somebody was mesmerized by the firetrucks...

I think he gets that from his Papa Scott.

Then, this fella came wandering through.

Because what parade is complete without Uncle Sam on stilts? No parade I want to be at, that's for sure.

I got to see this lovely lady. (Check out her blog for tasty recipes)

This is most people's opinion... especially during this holiday...

This little lady was a trooper in the hot sun. She especially enjoyed when they started throwing candy. (note the clenched fist)

The parade is followed by booths full of goodies, crafts, and fair food around the park and near our shops "downtown" where you can find ice cream, coffee drinks, t-shirts, souvenirs, candy,... all sorts of goodies, all with an old-fashioned, small town feel.

The park is packed with tourists and locals and everyone anxiously anticipates the start of the foot races.

No kidding.

The afternoon is spent with all different age divisions participating in foot races at the town park.
Hilarious.

And, cut throat. Some of these races get intense!

We made the executive (read: mommy and daddy) decision to take our kiddos home to rest. But, not before getting our annual turkey leg to share. (Yum!)

The kids were exhausted. And, in true Lake City fashion, it down-poured during the afternoon anyway. Here, that is welcome. It cools off the heat of the day and always brings that sweet mountain smell. I think that must be what Heaven smells like.

Anyway, the next stop for us was dinner, games and fireworks with some sweet friends that evening.

We played this game (that I can't remember the name of) and other than the times when my third-trimester-sized belly got in the way, it was really fun!

This little man is not picky, as long as it has wheels and he can get some good speed, he'll ride it.

And, then there is this girl.

We do NOT take enough photos together.

But, I try to get plenty of them!

Ok, so we were up the hill where Lake City starts. There is a valley you can't see in this picture that town is nestled in.

WAY across the valley (I had my 'big girl' zoom lens on my camera) and up another hill is a water tower. That is where they shoot the fireworks off from. This picture is of them watering down the brush near the water tower. Can't be too careful!

Here's a picture pulled back a little further. The circle is around that water tower.

And, this was my first attempt at firework photos with my 'big girl' camera. What do you think?

After the fireworks, when all the kids were nice and sleepy, someone wrapped up the little miss and she turned to me and said, "Look! Mom! Cozy," with the sweetest smile on her face. 

I'm so thankful for the men and women who have gone before us and for those who are currently devoting their lives to making sure that my family and I can have days like this.
Hope your 4th of July was as great as mine.
-kt

The Children's Hospital and a Road Trip!

We headed in for our Extended EEG at the end of April.

The goal was to find out what is exactly happening in her brain so that we know what to do next as far as testing and treatment goes.

I cannot say enough good things about the staff. You have to be a saint to work on an inpatient unit at a children's hospital and the staff at the hospital in Denver are no exceptions.

Fortunately, the Little Miss was able to keep herself busy most of the time and our frustrations were kept to a minimum.

Unfortunately, the neurologist told us, "She's kind of a mystery." So, we're on to the next set of testing.

But, this neurologist has a plan... and compassion... and the goal of making her well (as opposed to simply medicating her, like her previous neurologist did).

And, for that, we are grateful.

The Little Miss was also grateful that her Nonni could come play with her when mommy needed to talk to the staff.

(oh, and the campus was beautiful)

Only one day into the test, and she was worn out. The neurologist decided very early into our stay that continuing the EEG would not provide any additional insights into her case, so he let us go after a blood draw that they'll use for genetic testing.

I was pretty tired, too,... and also grateful that my mom was around.

The good news is that this neurologist has a plan. He really seems to care.
The tough news is that this is not going to be a short journey. Unless God chooses to heal her (which we're still praying for), it looks like this may be a long-term battle for her.

Having a sick kid is not easy. I would give ANYTHING to be able to fix her.
But, her little spirit cannot be crushed. She is able to laugh and find joy regardless of her circumstances. She had electrodes cemented to her head and chest and cords coming off of those electrodes which were all drawn into a box which she had to carry around in a backpack that was connected to a computer and what did she do??? She put the box in her backpack, put the backpack on, put on her super hero cape, and "flew" as far out into the hallway as the cords would let her, bringing a huge smile to everyone who passed.

Trying to shampoo out the cement when we were released

That's my girl.

When we got to leave the hospital.

She is only 2 and yet her spirit and personality speak volumes.

I was sharing how overwhelmed I feel by the fact that we may have a lifelong journey ahead of us and how it's going to affect each of us differently. My husband's daughter has seizures. The Little Mister will grow up with a sister that has seizures. Ev may never be allowed to drive. Our new daughter (coming in August) will never know life apart from a sister with seizures. It will effect what we do, how we play, maybe even how we eat. But my mother-in-law gently reminded me that this is her normal. It won't be weird to her or her brother or sister that she has seizures because it is their normal.

I hope that Ev's healing from God becomes part of their story, too, but if it doesn't, I hope that John and I can together show our kids that even though tough things happen, our family's "normal" is to trust that God has allowed it for a reason and to trust Him always.

I hope they don't see me mourn what won't be true in Evie's life, but instead rejoice over what is true... she is an otherwise normal, vibrant, affectionate, sweet, rambunctious, active, beautiful girl who brings joy to people.

This journey is hard. Sometimes I get weary in the unknown. Weary from the medicines, the appointments, the tests. But, we do have much to be thankful for.

Including people in our lives that allow us to be sad for her sometimes and grateful others.

There is no perfect way to handle having a sick kid. I could let myself get really bitter (and don't let me fool you... sometimes I really struggle!). I could just be floating on the "it could be worse" cloud. But, the truth is that some days are better than others. Some days I need grace for being bitter and some days I need to simply be in awe of the fact that she is a miracle.

I don't claim to have this figured out. 

I'm sure I never will.

But I am grateful for each day with her.

Even the tough ones.

I hope that when people look at us on our good days, they see "the peace that passes all understanding" that comes from God alone. (Phil 4:7)

And, I hope that on our bad days, they are able to see that we are human and need grace.

Processing... (and a FREE printable)

Fear used to come out in subtle ways...

Insecurity that would hold me back from trying new things or giving my all on the court = fear of failure.

Sticking to friends who already knew me because I was sure that new people wouldn't like me or find me cool enough = fear of rejection.

Not volunteering to help in situations where I may have been able to contribute something valuable = fear of disappointing others.

But, I've taken baby steps.
Running the marathon was a BIG deal for me because I had to put many fears aside in order to do it. I had feared that I wouldn't finish, that I'd look ridiculous, that I'd get injured and in doing so, disappoint all who came to cheer me on. But, mainly I feared proving all of my self-doubt right, that I would inevitably fail.

I didn't.

I certainly didn't have an outstanding finish time, but all things considered, I rocked that marathon.

In my life, I usually go one of two ways: either I let insecurities stop me from doing little things or I attack big things head on.

Things that were a big deal to me were things that I could somehow run at full steam.
On the other hand, if something could be considered small or not a big deal, I could justify brushing it off and not trying because it didn't really matter.

The problem with that was that I was getting myself into the habit of letting fear and insecurity win because I was getting used to giving up on lots of little things every day.

I know this sounds weird, but here's an example. I enjoyed singing on the worship team at our church of over a thousand people where I would be singing into a microphone or have solos, duets, whatever but the idea of being in the choir freaked me out. I don't know why... don't ask.

But, it feels like my fears are a lot more obvious now.

After everything with the Little Miss, I fear being pregnant again.

Since the accident, I've begun having panic attacks.
I've never had them before. They are paralyzing. 

Here's the thing, I got injured 2 weeks before my marathon and still ran it. I was told I was miscarrying my daughter and now she is an awesome 2 year old (yes, she has seizures, but so far they aren't hurting her). While driving our truck, I slid off a mountain cliff and rolled the truck down the side of the mountain and walked away. God has blessed me. That is not in question. He has VERY OBVIOUSLY ordained these situations and kept us safe through them.

My problem is that I can't figure it out.

Why didn't that injury stop me from running?
Why do so many women miscarry and my body went through everything that it should have during a miscarriage, but I have my daughter?
Why, when all of the emergency responders tell me that normally they are extracting a body from an accident like that, did I get to walk away scratch free?

I know it seems twisted to think that way, but I can't seem to wrap my mind around these things.

Isn't that the point?
To admit that we're human, that we haven't yet arrived, that we don't understand it all?

God knows I'm a work in progress.
He knows that sometimes I am weak.
Sometimes I give into temptation.
Sometimes I doubt, and fear, and fail.

And that's ok.
It's in these moments that He gets the opportunity to show up and remind me that He is sufficient, that He is all I need.

It's not easy to trust Him.
In fact, it's terrifying.

But that doesn't mean it's not worth it.

In The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe (the book, not the movie), Lucy and Mr. Beaver are talking about Aslan (who is of course a metaphor for God):

"Is he - quite safe?" - Susan

"Safe?... 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good. He's the King, I tell you." - Mr. Beaver

I need to wrap my brain around this. I'm not naive. I know life is going to be full of struggles and hardships, joy and pain, fun and challenges, happiness and grief.

So, I think it comes down to how I want to approach each of these situations.

God is going to let happen to us whatever He chooses. He will allow things that will contribute to His purposes and glory.

I need to decide if He and I are on the same team.

Will I embrace each difficult circumstance with a willingness to rejoice no matter what or will I stiffen up and put up my defenses because I don't want to go through it?

I need to rely on Him to even help me trust Him, to keep me focused on Him. When left to myself, I doubt and question and get distracted.

I want to focus on Him because at the end of my life I would rather say that even though I did not always understand the details of the storyline, God is still the best author.

To download this free printable, go HERE.

I sincerely hope that by walking with me on this journey, you find hope.
Hope in the fact that you don't have to have all of this mastered yet.

It's ok to still be a work in progress.
I am.
-kt

The end...

It's the end of an era.

The Bible tells us that there is a time to mourn...

...this is that time.

I'm turning 30.

BUT, instead of focusing on the fact that my 20's are over and how sad that makes me, I think I need to reflect on all the awesome that took place during these 10 years.

*DISCLAIMER* This is a very personal post. I wrote it more for me... so I won't be offended if you stop reading now.  :)

Year 20
I began my 20's living with the BEST roommates. Women I really admire.

I was dating the man who I would eventually marry.

I was studying a subject that really interested me at a school where I loved the ministry I was apart of.

I was raising support to move to Lake Tahoe for the summer.

I spent that summer with some of the most amazing people I've ever known and that was where God stirred my heart to head overseas.

Year 21
I was able to travel. A lot. All over the States. From the west coast for MPD training, to the South to visit friends, to the Southeast for Spring Break and to visit my sweet Great Aunt.  (Not to mention JesusLand - for real! There were camels and everything!)

And, then I kept traveling. I got on a plane in August and headed to CO for a week followed by moving to the other side of the world. Literally.

Oh the adventures we had! Learning a new language and culture. Exploring. New foods. New friends.  New memories. Priceless. I know I'll never again experience anything like that. I'm so grateful for that time. If nothing else, I feel like I walked away from that year with such a bigger understanding of God and His love for ALL people. Invaluable.

During my time overseas, year 22 started...

Year 22
More traveling, more exploring, more new friends.

Don't mind me looking like a mess... it was humid!

Returning to the States was hard. It was so difficult to bring the person I had become and the experiences I had back to people who hadn't seen me evolve in those ways, and therefore expected me to be the same girl who left. I just wasn't.

Some friendships were strained, others were blossoming.

I got a job I ended up LOVING as a barista at Starbucks. Seriously, best.job.ever.

Year 23
I officially moved to Green Bay.

John proposed.  :)

I graduated from college.

We were planning the wedding while he was living his new-found dream of working with livestock in the mountains.

And, then he returned and we got married!

Year 24
One of the best.

Even though being married brought challenges and we lived in our fair share of crummy apartments, we had an awesome first year.

I was actually using my degree in the Psych world. It was a hard job, but I took comfort in the fact that this was what I trained for.

Some girlfriends and I started our Core 4 - which ended up being one of the BEST things that I've ever being apart of. Ever. I'm so grateful.

New friendships were forming and growing.

I joined the worship team at church.

God was definitely starting to build a foundation of authentic friendships and great leadership in my life. I had no idea.

We moved.

And, apparently I didn't take too many photos...

Year 25
Very shortly after my 25th birthday, we found out we were expecting our first baby.

My Core 4 changed a bit.

I started in a Titus 2 Homemaking Group. Loved every minute.

We moved... again.

We had the Little Mister show up early (but not too early).  :)

I started playing around with a nice camera.

Year 26
I quit my job to stay home with the Little Mister and do in-home childcare.

My Core 4 and I got closer and closer. (That'll happen when you all have your 1st babies within 6 months of each other)

We moved again.

Year 27
Oh, you know, I just ran a marathon. No big deal.

And, then we got pregnant with the Little Miss.

Her pregnancy was pretty rough and we had to say goodbye to my sweet grandmother and my great-aunt.

We made even more memories with our sweet friends.

John got hired on by a camp in Colorado to be their Equestrian Program Manager and we started raising support.

And had the Little Miss.

Year 28
Ev went back into the hospital shortly after my birthday which post-poned our next move temporarily.

Then, we moved... again.

This time it was into my in-law's house so we could save up some money while we raised the rest of our support.

We spent the spring there and then...

...you guessed it. We moved.

Out to CO this time to work as missionaries at a Christian Camp.

We had a blast getting to know our sweet new hometown and the ways of the camp.

We came back to WI for my Gparent's 60th Anniversary celebration and we had Evie dedicated by my Uncle David.

And, guess what? WE MOVED AGAIN.
(but this time it was TOTALLY worth it)  :)

One tough thing from this year: Evie was diagnosed with seizures.

Year 29
I spent a lot of time with the kids at the park and the library, getting to know tourists and locals.

We thoroughly enjoyed the busyness of camp and town.

Friday horse shows were my favorite.

And, we got to play - we snowshoed, hiked 14'ers, camped out, went to the hot springs, explored on horseback, I learned a little more about training horses and was able to contribute to camp by playing photographer.

My family came out to bring my nieces and my cousin's daughter to Horse Camp. They were here for the 4th of July, which is THE BEST here.

We were able to travel back to WI for my grandmother's funeral, the annual family trip with John's family, Christmas and John's grandpa's funeral.

I did have a little accident with the truck, but God provided through it.

Some sweet friends came to visit.

SURPRISE! We moved again! This time onto camp property.

We also added a little lady to our family.

So, I guess, all things considered, saying goodbye to my 20's isn't the worst thing.
I've come a long way... and I've had awesome friends and family on this journey with me.
I'm so grateful.

And, I'm excited to see what my 30's will bring!
I guess we'll see!
-kt