Light

 

Tears stung my eyes while watching my youngest child singing the final verse of Silent Night, holding a candle near her sweet face. 

Have you ever truly thought about those last few lines?

Silent night, holy night
Son of God, oh, love’s pure light
Radiant beams from Thy holy face
With the dawn of redeeming grace
Jesus, Lord at Thy birth

I imagine a calm snowy night. You know the ones. Where you can almost hear the snow fall. 

And, the moon is providing just enough light to see your path. Where the air is still and the world has seemed to stop for a moment. I imagine Mary holding Jesus. Him nuzzling into her breast. His little fingers searching, getting caught on his own eyelids and in the blankets, and probably Mary’s hair. 

The soft warmth provided by the animals and the light from lanterns or candles creating a very cozy atmosphere. 

But, Jesus. Her Lord. Her baby. Her Savior. 

How would this all work out? 

There were so many unknowns. 

Have you even been in the complete darkness? The kind of dark where you can’t stop your eyes from opening wider and wider as you are straining to see ANYTHING? If there is even the tiniest bit of light, your eyes are immediately drawn to it. It’s comforting. You move toward it. The darkness cannot hide the light. Any bit of light destroys the darkness.

The night Jesus was born, a tiny baby destroyed the darkness.

In my darkest days, I considered giving up. I had truly begun to believe that the world, my family, my children, would be better off if I didn’t exist. I was in the darkest of dark places. But, I had just had a baby. That little girl in the picture above. She was my light. She was a good thing I couldn’t take my eyes off of. I was afraid that someday, she’d blame herself for not being worth living for. She may not have destroyed my darkness (that came later), but she was a glimmer of light that God provided to pull me through some of my darkest moments.

And grace.

Do you know what that word means?

Traditionally, Christians refer to grace as unmerited favor. 

An undeserved gift. Unearned preferential treatment.

My Evie.

You can find more of her story here, but the short version is that we were told we miscarried her. My body went through all the steps of a miscarriage. We went back for an ultrasound to make sure that my body had expelled everything and yet there she was. A beautiful, 13 week baby with a strong heartbeat. 

Grace. 

I didn’t deserve to keep her. Many mommas have lost their babies. But, she was God’s great act of grace in my life. My undeserved gift. My reminder that I am seen by Him. 

That’s why Grace is her middle name. 

It has been quite the journey with her. Her battle with epilepsy has not been a walk in the park, but God still shows us grace everyday with her life. 

No matter how dark things have been in my life, there has always been a glimmer of light. Sometimes it’s small. Sometimes it’s been blinding. No matter what, it cuts through the dark. 

There were days when I lived with my eyes closed, ignoring the light in front of me. Afraid it was too good to be true. Fearful that the good thing would be taken from me. Convinced I didn\"t deserve it. 

But His grace was too good. It reached into my darkness. That little light could not allow the darkness to overcome. 

His dawn of redeeming grace entered my life and was undeniable. 

Open your eyes, friends, and embrace the gracious Light and His redeeming grace. 

He’s there if you want Him. 

Why I don't care about Starbucks' cups...

This post could probably also be titled, "Why I'll Never Have a Large Blog Following."

I really only post when I'm fired up about something.

And, in this way-too-easily-offended culture we are living in, I'm sure I tick people off.

But, this morning, I don't care.

My dad sent me an email this morning asking how I feel about the whole red cup controversy.

Frankly, for a person who lives three hours from the nearest Starbucks, I'm probably a little too fired up about it. But, it is what it is. 

I DON'T CARE. 

I don't care that their cups don't say "Merry Christmas."

I don't care that they aren't having Christian symbols anywhere this holiday season.

They aren't a Christian company! Why do we expect them to act like one?

I am a Christian. I was raised Christian. I decided on my own to remain a Christian into my adulthood. I lived overseas as a missionary. I considered myself a missionary to my college and in my work environments. So, you can read all this with that preface. 

I wish Christians would stop expecting non-Christians corporations to act in Christian ways.

So what if their cup doesn't say "Merry Christmas"? 

The jug of milk and loaf of bread that I just picked up at the grocery store don't say that either, but I still bought them. Personally, I don't get offended when the gas station clerk wishes me "Happy Holidays" instead of saying "Merry Christmas." And, seriously, if you can live by only shopping at Hobby Lobby and eating at Chick-fil-A, more power to you.

Perhaps we should stop boycotting places and demanding that others do things OUR way. 

Maybe instead, we SHOULD go into these places and spread some love and joy and peace instead of malice and frustration and anger that our own needs aren't being met exactly how we see fit. 

I honestly don't think Jesus would've cared AT ALL about what his coffee cup said, but I CAN GUARANTEE that he would've brightened up His barista's day. He would have left her feeling blessed and loved. 

(And, by the way, He totally forewarned us that stuff like this would happen. He told us we'd have troubles in this world. We live in a fallen world. Stuff like this should come as no surprise.)

Our response when we face troubles is to be gracious, full of patience, kindness, love. 

Now, to be clear, I do not consider this whole cup nonsense to be anything close to persecution, but I think we can still think about this verse in light of this situation:

"But even if you should suffer for righteousness' sake, you will be blessed. Have no fear of them, nor be troubled, but in your hearts regard Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect, having a good conscience, so that, when you are slandered, those who revile your good behavior in Christ may be put to shame." 

                1 Peter 3:14-16

How are we supposed to behave? 

Like people with hope, with gentleness and respect. Not full of malice and demands. Tell me, who is going to be attracted to our lifestyle if this is why we make headlines?

Instead, let's get all riled up about doing good this Christmas. Let's get all fired up about spreading love and joy. Maybe as a church, instead of boycotting a coffeeshop, we should come together and join forces to make sure that no homeless person has nowhere to go this Christmas. Let's make sure that there is not one kid in the foster care system who feels like an outsider on Christmas morning. Let's go buy a whole bunch of those offensive red cups full of cocoa and go visit your local old folks home to spend time with the elderly whose families live far away this Christmas. 

Let's take something that offends us and turn it into something good. 

Spread love.

Do good.

Be light.

For heaven's sake.

-kt

Christmas Snippets...

Well, even though we're already into late January (!!!) I thought I might post some of the highlights of our Christmas break.

Most blogs are all about Valentine's day. With moving, and traveling, and neurology appointments, we've been a little busy. So, here's a recap of our trip home....

Here's what we thought was going to happen:
-Drop off a horse in Denver
-Take the trailer back to WI
-Celebrate the holiday with our families
-Head up to GB to do some support raising
-See my bestie's new baby boy
-Trailer a cabinet my hubby and FIL made together back to CO

Here's what really happened:
-Drop off a horse in Denver
-Have our transmission die just over the border into IA
-Leave the Suburban and trailer in IA while we rent a car to get to WI
-Celebrate the holidays with our family
-Hang out with my dad who was trying to recover from surgery
-Witness the peaceful passing of my hubby's grandfather
-Hang out with my hubby's family who came for the funeral
-Attend the funeral
-Postpone leaving because of the record breaking cold and vehicles that wouldn't start
-Rent a vehicle to get back to our repaired Suburban
-Return back to CO without the cabinet

I mean, really.

It didn't go at all how we had hoped.

But, we still had some good times.

We, of course, ate well...

A little post-birthday celebration

We ALWAYS love Papa's pancakes

And Nana's coffeecake

We got to play in the snow a bit...

We even tried making gingerbread houses (from scratch - no store bought kit for us! This is something I always wanted to do)...

We celebrated the life of sweet Grandpa Great...

And, I enjoyed some time with my sweet Grandpa...

And then came the presents...

and the frenzy that gift opening with kiddos is...

I love having the cousins together. 

One of the best parts was the Little Mister building something special for his daddy and me with Papa Eddy...

And, hey, we even wound up with a great new photo of the two of us! (Thanks, Wizbang Photography!)

Eventually, we made it back here...

...where our days are filled with snow, sun, mountains, kiddos making messes, me cleaning up those messes, trying to get a house settled, making neurology appointments and trying to enjoy the chaos that is life with littles. 

We cannot express enough gratitude to those of you who helped get our Suburban up and running again. I'm so grateful that the transmission went out while we were all together (as opposed to when the kids and I were by ourselves going to get groceries an hour and a half away with no cell reception). 

It was a rough situation, but God took care of us through it... He always has.

Thanks for being a part of this journey...

-kt